Friday, August 04, 2006

Mormon Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley's Testimony And What He Expects His Members To Actually Believe And Accept!!

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Look into my eyes and repeat after me:

I know the Church is true.

I know that Joseph Smith is and was a Prophet of God.

I know that Gordon B. Hinckley, yeah me, is a Prophet of God.

Please sing "we thank thee O God for mean a Prophet, in these latter days.

I know that the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on earth and was translated by the power of God, through Joseph Smith.

I love my Bishop and sustain all my leaders, no questions asked, or I will be excommunicated.

I know that when the GA's speak, the thinking is done.

I know that some truths are not important.

I know that we still believe and teach, that God was once a man and lived on an earth just like us, all the way back to Joseph Smith; but I'm going to lie about it and pretend it isn't true and you will all support me in that lie, because I can't lead you astray. God would remove me if I tried to do that. Lying for the Lord is fine, so get over it!!

I know that we really aren't just an alternative religion, but I'm going to tell the world that we are, just to get more converts and tithing money.

I know that women wearing 2 earrings is wrong and of the devil and his angels.

I know that tattoos are pure evil.

I know that Brigham Young once saw Bigfoot and identified him as Cain. He was as tall as Brigham was, and Brigham was sitting on his horse.

I know that Cain...Bigfoot, stunk really bad, was really sad and covered in hair and couldn't get any babes.

I know that if given a choice of giving me...I mean Christ's Church, tithing money or feeding your family, you should always pay your tithing.

I know that all Apostates, Ex-Mormons and Anti-Mormons, are surrounded by darkness and that they punch a time clock for Satan now, and that they are DISEASE GERMS and most importantly, Sons of Perdition in embryo.

I know that Satan has great, amazing, incredible power, and can appear as an angel of light and will seek to rob you of your testimony that Joseph Smith was a Prophet and that the Mormon Church is the only true and living Church in the galaxy.

I know that Joseph Smith was commanded of God to be a polygamist and marry girls and virgins, as young as 14 years old, in exchange for eternal life for their entire family.

I know that if Joseph Smith had not become a polygamist, he would have been slain by a homicidal angel, sent from God, with a flaming sword.

I know that despite the first vision, Joseph Smith prayed in 1823 to know if there was such a thing as a divine being...but so what?!!

I know that Joseph Smith was involved in a dirty, nasty, filthy affair with Fanny Alger, their maid, behind Emma's back, as witnessed to by Oliver Cowdery.

I also know that Oliver Cowdery deserved to be excommunicated for revealing that dirty, nasty, filthy affair, because after all, it was inspired of God and enforced by said angel who was ready to kill if Joseph didn't do it.

I know that Zelph was a great, WHITE, Lamanite warrior and fought very valiantly right up to his death.

I know that the Jaredites came across the ocean in wooden submarines, that were filled with animals and their feces, in a journey that took almost a year. What faith they!!

I know that despite not one shred of archaeological evidence in or around the Hill Cumorah or anywhere else, that millions of people died there, exactly in that spot, in great and horrific battles. It brings tears to my eyes, it really does.

I know that overcoming pornography addiction is far worse and harder to do, than overcoming drug addiction to things like cocaine and any other hard drugs. Just ask that dude that sent us a letter from prison....yeah, he told us straight up that he'd rather be addicted to drugs than that Playboy.

I also know that Marriotts have both booze and porno in their hotels, but hey, it's just a business decision, not a moral one and besides, the tithing money is awesome and very plentiful.

I know that faith is all that is required and seeking signs or actual evidence of anything to do with the so called Lamanites or Book of Mormons peoples, is from Satan, who has such amazing, incredible power to deceive the world. He really is amazing that Satan...damn...I mean dang.

I know the Church is true...oh wait, I already said that.......say it again everybody...again....again!!

I know that we worship Joseph Smith, because he was the greatest man that ever lived on the planet earth, including Jesus Christ, because Joseph said so himself.

I know that Joseph Smith translated the book of Mormon by sticking his head in a hat, and reading words and phrases off of a seer stone, that he found in a ladies well, while digging with his brother Hyrum. It was impossible to make any errors, therefore it is perfect, because it wouldn't let him continue, until all mistakes were corrected. Grammar, punctuation and any other words that needed to be fixed don't count, because the printer made the errors not God or Joseph.

I know that Joseph Smith was a convicted criminal for his fraudulent treasure hunting scams and that he also defrauded all the Saints in a big failed bank scam, but that it was all approved of and ordered by God.

I know that Joseph Smith was commanded of God, to call men on missions and then snag....I mean marry their wives, as soon as they were gone, even if they were pregnant. God wanted Joseph to keep them happy and take care of them and so he complied with the orders of God, reluctantly of course.

I know that Joseph Smith was commanded of God to marry sister and mother combinations, in addition to the little teenage girls.

I know that even though the entire foundation of the Mormon Church, was once based on gratuitous sex, pedophilia and polygamy, that God changed his mind at some point and now even dirty thoughts or masturbation will get you into some serious trouble. Please, if anyone out there has dirty thoughts, or is masturbating, please go talk to your Bishop and begin that long road back to righteousness.

I know that masturbation leads to the sin of gross homosexuality and perversion and is very very dangerous.

I know that even though we preach against all forms of alcohol consumption, we want a vibrant downtown nightlife and have no problem allowing it to flow freely and be served in our billion dollar malls. Again, just a business decision that has nothing to do with morality and besides, we sold the individual pieces of land within our mall, to the restaurants, so it isn't us selling the alcohol at all. Alcohol is pure evil and destroys families and we'd never be a part of that, especially right across the street from temple square.

I know that pornography addiction is worse than cocaine, Heroine, or any hardcore drug addiction....wait...I already said that, sorry!! I'm getting older and sometimes I don't remember things very well.

I know that despite being against pornography, we profit from it every single day, through our investments with Direct TV and Comcast, and as I mentioned above, all of the tithing we accept from Willard J. Marriott, who profits millions every year on hard-core porno. I know that it's all up to God and that this is his call, not ours. We just obey God's command!!

I know that we are against gambling in any form, even though we have a Stake President who owns a casino in Nevada and Senator Harry Reid, was once the head of the Nevada gaming commission. These people need to make a living, right?

I know that despite our very strong public stance against alcohol and tobacco, privately, we are proudly invested in the companies that make and sell these evil products, because this is the Lord's Church and he commands it. It's okay to profit from the sales of such evil things, just don't partake of them, because they are of the devil and will destroy your lives. Well, don't partake of them if you are a member....non-members can drink and smoke all they want, at least until they are converted, because we need the cash and they are God's investments, not ours.

I know that Jesus commanded us to spend 1.5 billion dollars on shopping malls.

I also know that in recent years, in addition to our new shopping malls, God/Jesus/Adam or whoever is up there in the big sky, through my burning bosom, has commanded us to buy or build the following things: a $500 million + conference center, a $30 million luxury resort in Hawaii, over 600 more acres of land in Laie to build a large housing development, a cattle ranch in Nebraska, gaming preserves, an office building in Ogden, more development of downtown Salt Lake, in addition to the billion dollar malls, reconstruction of downtown Mesa, Arizona, and many other things that the Lord will not allow me to mention at this time. They "Ought not to be revealed at the present time." Also, If the world can find out these other things, so let it be. They will be given in the own due time of the Lord-AMEN!!

I know that Brigham Young, ordered the slaughter of the innocent men, women and children at the Mountain Meadows Massacre, under the direct order of God, but God also asked him to lie about it and pretend that he had nothing to do with it, along with all future Mormon Hierarchy, since we all know the real truth. If you have issues with it, ask God, it's his fault and we just did what he commanded us to do.

I also know that when Brigham Young personally went to the place where the massacre took place, that he tore down the monument that the US Government had built, as a tribute to the innocent lives that had been taken, in such a horrific manner. Again, he just did what God commanded, because he was a Prophet of God and had to be exactly obedient.

I know that blacks were forbidden to have the Priesthood until 1978, since they are the seed of Cain, but I just can't figure out where all of this racism comes from as I stated in the last Priesthood session. It shocks me and saddens me, that people have a problem with God and his commandments and teachings, especially the "death on the spot" teaching. If you really have a problem with it, then your problem is with God, not us in the Hierarchy, because we only do and say exactly what God commands us to do.

I know that interracial marriage is awful and forbidden by God, unless you are an exception, which can only include Mormon General Authorities, because we have that direct pipeline to God and he has given us permission to marry people of other colors, but not you guys.

I know that gay people have a problem and need to be fixed, even though I don't know if they were born that way or not. One of these days, when I'm kicking it with Jesus in that holy holy place, I might ask him about. Then again, I don't really care and we enjoy excommunicating any sexually active homosexual, because we expect them to live a celibate life. After all, that's not much to ask, a lot of people never marry, gay or straight and they live celibate lives, right?

I know that gay marriage is from the Devil himself, the master of all that's evil, Satan, the brother of Jesus Christ and Son of God, who is trying to destroy the concept of know, the whole Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve...yeah, that's right, but ask God if you have an issue with it, as I'm just the messenger.

Finally, I want to thank all the missionaries and their families out there for paying their own way, in order to be treated like crap and live in dumps, while being bullied by their mission Presidents, who take direct orders from God. Keep in mind, that a sick missionary is a worthless missionary and he screws up the whole process and brings it to a halt.

I know and testify in the name of Jesus Christ, that if you live worthy and obey every commandment with exact obedience, you won't be getting sick all the time, despite eating spoiled food, drinking parasite water and taking cold showers using nothing but bug/parasite infested water, with a bucket and a sponge. You need to have more faith, that's all!!

Also, we don't care if you missionaries die or get sick, get attacked, raped, etc, because the work must roll forward and baptisms and tithing dollars is all that matters anyway. It's just a big numbers game and if you die, we'll just plug someone else in. Also, if you get raped, attacked or severely injured on your mission, once you heal up PHYSICALLY, we expect you to finish your mission and so does Jesus. Please don't let Joseph and Jesus down or disappoint them, okay?

Again, if you have an issue with any of this; get down on your knees and ask God about it, because it's his plan, not mine and I'm just obeying him, so that he won't remove me as the Mormon Prophet.

You will be blessed with an inner piece and burning bosom, that will confirm every word I just said as the honest God's truth and you will not argue or question anything that is ever said by one of God's anointed, special witnesses and mouthpieces of Jesus Christ. We are the ultimate truth, the speaking has been done and the cool thing is, we don't even have to say, "thus saith the Lord!!"

Isn't it wonderful....just wonderful?!!

In the name of Joseph....I mean Jesus Christ, AMEN!!

Samuel the Utahnite

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At Friday, August 04, 2006 3:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen and Amen.

Good job Samuel. You nailed it on the head.

At Friday, August 04, 2006 4:17:00 PM, Blogger -Wes- said...

I love the flashing eyes on Gordy. Well, we call him Gordy in my family. We also often refer to the new conference center as the Gordy Dome, anyway it really cracked me up.

I've only come across your stuff recently but I've really enjoyed your blog and podcasts from the perspective of a former Mormon. Luckily, I figured out the lie before my mission.

Keep proclaiming the truth Samual. The truth set me free.

At Saturday, August 05, 2006 8:55:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this post. I am so happy to have found out that there are thousands of people, like me, who have figured out that the Mormon Church is a cult.

Yes, there are really sincere, kind, loving people in Mormonism. I see that they believe it true, that Joseph Smith did see what he said he saw, and that all that has happened in Mormondom since Joseph;s time has been ordained of god.

Of course these people are generally kind and loving. they are really trying tobe obedient. i admire them for that.

Nevertheless, when the evidence becomes so overwhelming to someone, and they see that all of those things they excused away and were slightly embarassed about really are indications of the fraud that is Mormonism, they are MAD. Who wouldn't be really ticked to know they have been fed a bunch of crap?

Even kind, loving parents who want the best for their children often realize, OH MY HELL--this is a cult. hundreds of people leave daily. they realize the lie of the cult. Joseph Smith was a con man, a fraud.

Many people are now leaving the cult because they are learning so much that the LDS church has kept secret all these years. Thank goodness Samuel that you take the time to help others.

At Saturday, August 05, 2006 10:00:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the topic of missionaries, it just boggles my mind that they indoctrinate people from the moment of birth about "serving" a mission and use horrible emotional manipulation if you choose not to do it. However, what they never really talk about is the $11,000 (that is how much mine cost as a female) it takes to actually "serve" the mission! And that figure does not include the money you will have lost not being home earning money and time towards retirement or towards your education.

If a mission was actually about humanitarian aid and you actually "served" someone and helped with things people actually could benefit from, I would feel better about it, but I'd still expect the organization to pay for all my expenses as I would be giving my time. And even with that I'd never give more than 2 months as people realize that you have to support yourself and need to be working to do that. I think spending 1.5 and 2 years for an organization that is giving you ZERO as far as any useful experience you can use in the future unless you learned a foreign language is HORRIBLE!

There are no "blessings" for serving a mission. None. When you get home, you are a completely different person, you've grown so far a part from your family and friends because you were "commanded" not to contact them very often and sometimes not at all by phone, that you really lose a part of your confidence for awhile. You were not allowed to spend any time out there thinking about you and planning your next move personally. Your whole head had to be in the "work" and you were made to feel horribly guilty if that wasn't the case.

On top of that, most guys have no education before they leave and then they are pressured into getting married immediately after their return. These guys have no idea who they are, they have no financial foundation and are expected to support a wife and sire a family asap. What sort of ungodly pressure is that? That is the worst kind of family planning that I can even think of!

These missions are nothing but ultra sales tactics that brainwash the missionary, put them in harms way daily and never let them have a moment that is "theirs". It's all about the church. They lose "themselves" and people wonder why their is so much depression in the church. Holy Cow, this is it.

People...don't go on Mormon missions! Use your money for YOU and YOUR future! Don't give it away!

This is the whole reason I produced the music album I did. I just had to have an outlet to get all my feelings out about the church. The church tried so hard to destroy the "Me" in me, and that was truly the most frightening moment in my life. I'm so glad I found the strength to get out!

Thanks Samuel. Looking forward to your next podcast.


At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 5:27:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Good post, I think you have pretty much summed it up. Lori, not sure I agree entirely with your observations on missionaries. I got something out of my mission that was non-religious in terms of self confidence, organisational skills etc that have been a real benefit to me notwithstanding some excellent friendships I made. One of which is still strong after 22 years. Moreover it was my mission that allowed me to see the Church for what it is. Im not sure I would have been in the correct environment to go through that had I been at home. You are correct however that the process is flawed and gives little care and attention to the health of missionaries in the field nor do they ever really "serve" a community. Numbers, numbers ,numbers, that's all that counts. Cant say that I regret my mission completely though. Samuel, you had a pretty crappy mission from previous podcastst I recall, do you regret all of it or only now that you are out of it? It would be interesting to hear.

John in London

At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 11:47:00 AM, Blogger Samuel the Utahnite said...

I appreciate all the positive feedback on this post guys. I really did make this post out of the passion and anger that I feel, regarding this Mormon cult and especially Hinckley. I agree that it fits perfectly, however, I keep thinking of so much more that I could add to the list.

Originally, I was gonna list about 10 things and then I just kept going and going and it still isn't even close to complete, but it will suffice for now. I've done so many Hinckley posts, that this just fits perfectly, with all the rest and is a great summary.

I want to give a special thanks to Lori, who I know went through total hell on her mission. I'm amazed that she was able to overcome all of the difficulties. The mission is definitely worse for some than others. As far as my mission went, I have very mixed emotions.

The good that came out of my mission, was learning to speak Spanish fluently(which I've been able to retain, thankfully) and all of the wonderful people of Argentina that I met. They were some of the most amazing, loving, caring people that I've ever met and they had nothing of any material worth...most of them that is. I also loved learning about another culture, other than the "UTAH MORMON CULTURE" and it really opened my eyes.

I also saw some really hot babes down there, some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and yes, some even wore the forbidden bikini, but unfortunately, I couldn't date them...damn it!! LOL!!

In any case, it's a tough call. I know that if I hadn't served the mission, I would have probably still been in the cult, as it has been a huge catalyst in my jump to freedom. Along with re-reading Hinckley's interviews, finding out about Brigham Young's horrific racist statements/teachings, Mountain Meadows Massacre and Joseph Smith's polygamy, I re-read my mission journals of almost 1200 pages.

This was all part of my journey and I would actually say that my mission journals probably had the biggest impact of all, as I shed many tears reading about how sick I was, how much I suffered, how I was treated and yet despite it all, tried to always put a positive spin on the situation. I actually felt bad when I wrote something negative, because that's what we are trained and brainwashed to do.

Some Jackass over on iTunes, left a review and said the following, spelling errors left in tact:

"I could care less about Mormonism, right or wrong, but I have a hard time believing Samuel is as PO'd at the LDS church as he is that he allowed himself to be so 'simple' as a Mormon. Just listen to his perspectives from his mission journal. I know I'd be embarressed to be alive if it were me. Nevertheless, listen to Sam. You are sure to come across something to think about and even support."

First of all this complete stupid ass, was obviously never Mormon, "could care less about Mormonism, right or wrong", but then goes on to slam me and say that I'm more PO'd at the fact "I was so 'simple' as a Mormon." Then this jackball goes on to say, "Just listen to his perspectives from his mission journal. I know I'd be embarressed to be alive if it were me." What a complete ass!!

He be "embarressed to be alive?" Good Mormon God above!! So does this prick think I should go kill myself, because of my "mission perspectives?" I'd really like to know who this person is and if I know them...hmmm...I bet I do!!

He says, "Just listen to his perspectives from his mission journal." All I can say pal, is kiss my ASS!! This guy has no clue what it is like to be Mormon and certainly has no clue what it is like to be Mormon and on a mission, in the deepest indoctrination period of one's life. Until this A$$hole has been on a mission, suffered through hell, been throwing up regularly for 2 years, told on a regular basis that he isn't cutting it, he can shut his hole.

Do I get angry and passionate about these type of comments? You're damn right I do, because these ignoramuses, know nothing of which the speak!! Was I brainwashed and pathetic? Yes I was, but I was the good little soldier, trying to be exactly obedient to my "one an only true cult" and cult leaders, in order to get all of those blessings and elect people that were just waiting for my perfect obedience, that were promised to my by Jesus and his mouthpieces.

So, here's the bottom line; I'm glad I went, because I was born Mormon and it helped me to know and learn the truth and gave me a way out, that I may have never found otherwise. Many things made sense and fell into place, once I learned that the Mormon Church was a complete fraud. However, I deeply regret and find it very unfortunate, that I had to be emotionally and psychologically abused for 2 years by the Mormon cult.

I also deeply regret the physical illnesses and suffering, that I had to go through during that time and the fact that I've had stomach problems ever since. I regret that I had to have parasites in my body for 2 years, that wrecked havoc on me and I also regret that they never gave a damn about me. The only advice I ever got, even when I had thrown up black stuff for nearly a week, was eat some crackers and have some 7-up. Anything to prevent you from getting medical help, right?

I honestly believe that I was near death after reading my journals and nobody cared. All they knew is that we weren't out getting numbers and my companion even thought I was faking it, after talking to the mission home and assistants of course.

I had another guy on my mission, that had horrible pains in his abdomen and they told him to drink 7-up and eat crackers, until his appendix finally burst, after 2 days of hell. Yeah, he almost died, but they didn't care. Then, after his surgery, we went to see him and the poor guy looked awful and had a scar that looked like a jigsaw had cut him open. That's a great example of what they think of the well being and health of their missionaries. They don't give a damn, never have and never will.

Just look at those 2 poor girls over in Africa, that were brutally raped at knife point for 2 hours plus; the main thing the mission president stressed, was that as soon as they healed up(one was also shot), they were going to stay there and finish their missions. How sick!! How pathetic!! What an evil, damn cult!!

For those never-Mormon, never served a mission people out there, that want to criticize and come down on those of us that have been there and done that.....shut your hole, because you have nothing to add to the conversation, unless it is, "I'm sorry for what you went through." How could you possibly understand what we've experienced?

Take care everyone and thanks again for your comments and support. It helps to know that other people out there understand what we've all been through and survived it.


At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 1:58:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know Samuel, I never knew what sort of mental pain you could go through in life until that mission. Before that I was ok, I'm fine now, but it amazed me that in a week from pre-missionary to missionary, my whole soul could feel so horrible, so much like it wanted to die, like all hope was gone. I'd never experienced that before and I couldn't understand how this could happen in the "one true church" and also on a mission. Isn't a mission the thing that was supposed to be the best time of your life? The control over your life there is so exact, so intense. Holy cow.

It has made me a much better person because now I know the warning signs of a potentially harmful situation simply because I was forced to live in one for 1 1/2 years. After 5 months I knew I needed to go home, but I also knew the horrible social stigma that that would have created and I made a conscious choice to stay and finish it just so no one would abuse me further at home. I went through a lot of hell that last 13 months, but knowing that no one could accuse me of not finishing did make it worth it. I couldn't be where I am today if I hadn't finished that damn mission. Crazy huh? But if I had come home early, I would have taken the easy route in life the rest of my life and never forced myself to do something that albeit was uncomfortable, was absolutely worth it. I wouldn't be living in a foreign country and produced my own album today if I would have come home early. So, yes, it was worth it. A painful lesson to be sure, but worth it.

Thanks Samuel.


At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 5:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


So you too took something out of your mission which has helped you become the person you are ? Good for you. It's a shame they couldn't run missions without the religion and just quietly "helped" people in a sort of VSO type of way.

I just moved house and came across my journal from my time in Norway and I was rooted to the spot reading the brainwashed entires I had made. I dont consider myself stupid or weak willed or anything like that so I have to conclude that the approach is very cult like and actually appeals to people of strong character. Everything on your post regarding obedience Samuel smacks of cultism because the two things the Church strives for are a) tithing and b) new members to pay tithing. This is so over emphasised in paying one's own tithing and for young men to serve a mission ( when they should be in college) that the analogy to any other corporation is obvious. The product is eternal life, the sales team are missionaries and the shareholders appear to be a bunch of elderly men in SLC. What is a GA's salary anyway? Oh, that's right, it's a lay ministry-sort of. So yeah, im pretty embarrassed about some of the doctine I believed and spouted. I know its man made now and that's ok with me but I do share some of yours and Samuel's anger in how decieved I was. It's not even as if it's a "happy" religion. The constant strive for perfection which is unatainable must create deep emotional problems, especially amongst teenagers. What is the Utah suicide rate again? Higher than the national average? I wonder why.

John in London

At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 8:59:00 AM, Anonymous ray said...

Somehow the topic went from Hinckley to missions, but while we're on the subject, I'll add my two cents.

No one who hasn't served a mission can possibly understand it and the incredible pressure and feeling of dispair. When you are on a mission, your time is the lords time. If you stop to take a piss, you are stealing time from god. That can possibly lead to the loss of your soul. It's funny how mission service is "voluntary" and yet, once you are there, they threaten you with damnation if you do not follow every single rule. There is no need for the "spirit" on your mission. I felt like I was in a day care in a glass fish bowl under the microscope for two years. If there is actually someone who questions the rules (like I did) they are immediately labeled. I was a good missionary but I strongly believed that the rules were there because 99% of the missionaries didn't want to be there. They were just there to please their families and girlfriends. So I never could see the necessity of strict obedience. I never held any leadership positions nor was I ever even made senior companion.

Like Lori said, if you throw in the towel and go home early, your reputation will be ruined forever. So I stuck it out. Great system they have isn't it?!?! Even though it thoroughly sucks, they have ways to make people stay and come home and preach about how wonderful it was!!! Most of my companions were pretty cool, but there's always the one or two who will call the mission president on you every time you aren't completely obedient. My trainer was an asshole from hell! I've shared some stories about him over on mormondiscussions and everyone is shocked at his behavior. I seriously think he was slightly mental with some type of personality disorder.

I served state side so I did not have the same experiences as Samuel. I was not ill or near death, but I was in the hood of Philadelphia (The City of Brotherly Love, yea right) many times after dark and could have easily been killed.

There's a ton to tell, but I'll save it for another time.

At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 1:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Ray and Anon, it is really good to hear from others who are actually speaking the "truth" about what a mission is instead of that crappy glossy "it was the best experience of my life" crap.

Funny, I've been home from Scotland now for 14 years, and just now is the first time I've ever been able to really talk about it.

I think one of the reasons missions are so hard besides paying for the opportunity to be totally controlled and made to be a robot for the church whether you like it or not, is the expectations that come with a mission. If a mission was just another life experience like college or maybe backpacking overseas for a couple of years, I don't think people would be hurt, everything would be on their terms and they would get something for their money ie, a college education or international experience.

But, a Mormon Mission is all together different. From birth it is something that "god" has chosen for you to do. Supposedly you'll learn everything you need for your entire life during those two years, you'll also be closer to god during that time than any other time. Well, you get there and the cognitive dissonence starts ringing like a fire alarm and you thing..."Where is this warm fuzzy feeling from god everyone told me I was supposed to feel?" Then, you turn it inwardly for a time thinking it is something you did. But, after the pain gets so bad and you consider suicide to get rid of the mental pain, something clicks in and you start to question...everything. You may not fully understand everything until years later, but you do start realizing the church is NOT what it claims to be and maybe, just maybe, THEY were wrong, not you.

I'd like to say if I had it to do all over again I would have spent more time with the people helping them instead of trying to push Joe Smith down their throats, but I really couldn't, could I? The DL's, and ZL's etc would catch wind of it and I'd be in trouble constantly for trying to actually help someone. Basically, a mission isn't to bring anyone to Christ(which btw, I've totally come to reject the whole idea of a loving god or the need to be saved from anything. I've got that mission to thank for that, and I'm glad to let all of that religious dogma go), or to anything good, it is only to shove JS down people's throats and if they refuse...put the wrath of an eternal damnation down that same throat. It's all about family isn't it? Yeah right.

Thanks, it is really good to talk about this.

This topic ties into Hinkley simply because he is still guilting people into going on these "missions" and still guilting them if they don't or nowadays "haven't met the standard". I feel so sorry for those people insomuch that if they are still in the church, they've just been lowered to "not good enough" club.



At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 1:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, one more thing...

In talking about the mission being the "Lord's time" and not having enough time to take a piss etc, that is so incredibly true. I remember in Scotland, up north it would get so cold that the sheep would freeze where they were standing and your car, your house, everything would freeze to the point that you would have to wear 3 layers of clothes to bed, plus a water bottle and then you were so bulky you couldn't sleep at all. The mornings were horrible. It almost hurt to get to the bathroom because there was no heat. We had a tiny heater in the living room, but it only heated about 1 foot square around it. Getting showered and dressed was one of the most demoralizing times in my life simply because you were freezing and getting undressed, showered and wet, and then get dressed again in literally 2 dresses, and 4 pairs of nylons, just isn't what you would normally want to do. Heck I was treated with more respect in the Army.

In one area up north we were sleeping in this 100+ year old house that had holes in the bricks. You would see and hear mice running up and through the walls all night and in one section you could see through the wall to the outside (now, I'd never allow myself to stay in a sh** hole like that now). Every morning we'd catch a mouse and throw him out. There were days that it was so cold that your fingers and feet would just rage in pain to be out in it. No one else in their right mind was out in that weather, but of course the Mormon missionaries were because we felt so guilty if we missed someone the "Lord" had ready to hear the "gospel" at that very moment in time.

Now, I look back on that and realize that our very sense of "self" didn't even exist and we were controlled to such a degree that we couldn't even make the decision to stay inside and be warm and safe and take care of "us" instead of risking our lives and bodies out on roads made of ice.

I guess it was just the guilt that was just caustic. No matter what you did, it wasn't good enough. That certainly translated over to the post mission experience. It wasn't until I left my family and the church that I was able to reconnect with myself and feel normal again. All of that constant trying to be perfect and look good for the Jones's really wreaks havoc on a person.

I'm so glad that nightmare is over in my life. But, it's only over because I made the conscious decision to leave it all, I did the hard work of leaving everything I ever knew and starting over in a new country that I'd never known before. No "god" came down and saved me from it all, I saved myself. I think the hope of a supernatural being saving you from the hard things in your life is the biggest travesty of all. But then, that is what cults are all about, seperating you from your "self" and you own abilites to take care of you. If you do that, you have no need to be dependent on anyone and you certainly don't need to pay anyone 10% of your income for the pleasure of telling you you aren't good enough.

Yep, that about covers it.


At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 10:16:00 PM, Anonymous ray said...

Wow, I must admit that my mission was not nearly as physically demanding as Samuel and Lori's. Philadelphia was cold; chill you to the bone. But our housing was warm. I guess I had it pretty easy compaired to you guys. I actually only had one bike area; the rest was either public transportation or a car. So I really don't have much room to complain. My beef is with the politics and numbers. The mental anguish. When you are having such a hard time, who can you talk to? No one wants to hear that you don't think the rules are inspired. They don't want to hear that you think your companion is a damn jerk! All they want to hear is how much you love your mission. I can honestly say I am glad I went. I think my mission was when I actually realized, deep inside, that the church is bogus. Of course, I went through many more years of cog dis but inside I knew the day would come when I would have to be honest with myself. I actually knew it was coming and I prolonged it as long as possible.

Yes, Lori, I too now believe that there is nothing to "save" me. There could be a god... the complexity of our planet is mind blowing. But I figure that if god wants me know know him, then he will reveal himself to me. All I can do in the mean time is be a good person, a loving father and husband. If there is an afterlife, I'll find out when I go. Of course, I hope there is. If there is, then I will be pleasantly surprised; if there isn't, then I will cease to exist and it doesn't really matter. I am currently exploring the possibility of reincarnation. Who knows where it will lead?

That's the hard part of leaving Mormonism, at least for me. It's so nice when you "know" what is going to happen. You know there is a god, afterlife, prophet, true church, etc. When your Mormon world crumbles, it leave you in the real world where you don't have the answers for everything. At least this is how it is for me. That has been hard. I mean, if Mormonism isn't true, then what the hell is? You lived your whole life knowing you were one of the lucky few to be born into gods kingdom. You knew you had the truth. Then, when the most sure thing in your life falls apart, where does that leave you? It's a hard road; that's why it is less traveled. It also doesn't help when your entire TBM family thinks you have been deceived by satan. The worst thing that can happen is an RM leaving the church.

I now look back on what I used to believe and am amazed at some of the bizarre shit that I though was real. The Bible talks about talking donkeys. Come on! Anyone who reads that should immediately realized that it's all bogus. It's all modern mythology. Christianity is Zeus and Hercules (spelling) with different names! An immaculate conception? Mythology. The hero (Hercules / Jesus) half man half god? Mythology. I've said this before... all religion is a cult to some degree. I mean look at the ridiculous stories they expect you to believe!

Well, I've ranted long enough. Cheers, Lori. I too have only started talking about my REAL mission recently. It's nice. There are people who understand.

At Thursday, August 10, 2006 2:54:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Ray, I so understand your feelings. When I left the church, the anamosity from my family was so hurtful, so hot, so complete that I literally felt like I had to leave the country for awhile just to withstand the flames. I did. I've never known so much hatred in my life, so much severing the natural ties of family and love. Their behavior has forced me to reinvent not only myself, but also what I really think about "family" and relationships in general. It has been heart wrenching. In the past 2 months certain members of my family and I have been talking again, very carefully, but talking. What I'm finding is is that the girl I used to be the warm, friendly, outgoing girl is now the hardened, careful, non trusting woman. Don't get me wrong, I'll still give you a smile, but know I'll look you up and down, inside and out before I really open up to you. I've had to develop this because of this nightmare with the TBM family.

I knew growing up that LDS people would shun their own for being gay or drinking, but that was never me so I couldn't understand what that really meant. Wow, now I do. The fire and anguish of not only that, but being a woman who was completely disempowered in her own right to support herself has now just been thrown into the deep end of the pool of life and had better learn how to swim and take care of herself absolutely alone, or she will actually die. I swear, this has been a really, really hard journey. I love who I am now, but getting from there to here was hell.

Yeah, I've figured out the Christianity "mythology" as well. Frankly, I LOVE being out of that cult as much as I love being out of Mormonism. What freedom not having to worship some invisible ghost/man who is so co-dependent on his father that it screams "Yuck"!!!!

Oh, what did you man Ray about the donkeys? I've never heard that before.

I had an NDE in 1998 and I for myself know we go on after death, but not at all like we were taught. The only judgement I experienced was from myself, but even in that it was full of love. It wasn't at all like the hell fire damnation crap. When I didn't see Jesus, JS, a firely throne, well...let's just say it made it really easy to leave religion.



At Thursday, August 10, 2006 8:02:00 PM, Anonymous ray said...

It's been a while since I read the story about the talking donkey (actually the Bible calls it an ass, but same thing) but it's somewhere in the Old Testament. One nice thing about the LDS web site is how easy it is to find scriptures there. I've looked and found this link.,25,27-30,32-33#21 The verses in question are highlighted. So there you have it... a talking donkey in the Bible!

At Friday, August 11, 2006 4:25:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my word! I can't believe I never saw that before!!

What a joke!

Thanks for this Ray. I really appreciate it.


At Tuesday, September 26, 2006 5:52:00 AM, Blogger Sterling Knight said...

That was all so goddam funny! It really was, and I'm not being sarcastic.
I'd be truly happy to edit for you.

At Thursday, November 22, 2007 11:39:00 AM, Blogger Atuel said...

Estoy tratando desde hace unos días comunicarme contigo, Samuel y lo que quiero es decir lo muy identificado que estoy con tu blog. Soy de Argentina y un ex-misionero de los años 1977/1979. Tengo sobre mi espalda la cantidad de 39 años de miembro. Pero hace 1 año atrás que se cayó la venda que tapaba mis ojos. Tengo comentarios y estudios sobre la Poligamia y la Famosa Ley de Los Diezmos que ha llevado a la Iglesia a tener riquezas enormes a cuesta de lo pobres miembros. La Iglesia atemoriza a los miembros que seran "quemados". ¿Dónde está el amor de Cristo en las Autoridades que enseñan ésta doctrina?. Las autoridades de la Iglesia estan desviando la atención de los miembros de temas muy importantes y los amenaza. Todo comentario que está en contra del plan de la Iglesia es denominado: "espíritu del hombre"--"apóstata"--"seguidor de satanás" etc. Estoy felíz de tener otra chance de como pensar. Hace unos meses, escribí a la Primera Presidencia mandando mis estudios y el secretario M. Watson, me los reenvió, con los saludos del profeta. Yo esperaba que al menos me citaran con un tribunal para dar explicaciones. Tengo ganas de escribir un libro de mis experiencias en la misión, y como miembro. Detallar los errores que se encuentran en la misma doctrina mormona. ¿son ciegos, los mormones?
SAMUEL, espero que leas mi correo e iniciar contacto


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