Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Soon To Be Famous "Mormon Sweet Roll Story!!"This Is An Instant Classic!!





Susan W. Tanner,(one of only two women allowed to actually speak each Conference) shared a story about how her Mom had made these delicious sweet rolls. She said that they were so good and rich that they were equal to like 3 normal ones. I'm paraphrasing here, so forgive me if I get a detail or two a little wrong, after all, I was trying to watch football. When the exact link and text come out in a few days, I'll be sure to post it for everyone so that you too can have a great laugh as I did. This whole talk is good comedy in my opinion.

Anyway, she was talking about the sin of over indulgence and she was working it into the word of wisdom I believe. Anyway, that night at Family prayer, her Husband asked her to give the prayer(he was large and the in charge Priesthood holder). So, he asked her to pray and she just bowed her head in silent shame. Her Husband asked if she was okay or what was wrong. She then said that she had eaten 3 of her sweet rolls and didn't feel too good, she was sick.(Mormon laughter)

Then Sandra W. Tanner said basically that we shouldn't over indulge like her Mother did and offend our Spirits. Basically that her Mom had offended the Spirit by over indulging on her sweet rolls. I'll have to listen to it again but I think I got the gist of it pretty close.

In any case, what an asinine example of offending God and the Spirit by eating too many sweet rolls. If these people, like this lady, live that pathetic of a shallow life, then I fell sorry for her and anyone like her. Damn, if that offends God, I wonder what the alcohol sales in the Church's mall will do to God. He will be absolutely devastated and incredibly offended!! I guess God's spirit won't be hanging out in what is supposed to be Jesus' mall. That's a shame, it will probably hurt sales not to have the Holy Ghost whispering in peoples ears to buy this and that. I wonder if they have thought this through? LOL!!

But seriously, what a stupid ass example!! Is this lady for real? Obviously she has become what they have programmed her to be as a person, a MORGBOT!! How can shallow pathetic people like this Lady, deal with any real struggles, trials or tragedies when she is so damn concerned about how many sweet rolls somebody eats? Also that the quantity, of course, depending on the richness of the sweet roll, will be offensive to God and his spirit?!! So, if they aren't too rich, like 3 normal rolls would be, then maybe 3 is okay? How can you know for sure? Maybe one should kneel down and ask God what they should do? "God, can I have one more, please?" Then pray again and again, after eating the next one, until God says, "you've had enough my good child, go and eat no more!!" LOL!! Are you kidding me?!!

With that being said, I have 3 sweet rolls right now, sitting on the kitchen counter...I think I'll go try to offend God's spirit and eat all 3 of them. Of course, I may be okay if they don't have too much flavor, right?!! I'll have to return and report on this one!! I'll have to see if I can actually feel God's spirit withdraw from me as I eat them. Maybe the first two and a half will be okay but that last half will be my downfall. Hard to believe that people listen to this crap and actually believe it!! The next thing you know, it will be a commandment to not eat more than two sweet rolls.....LOL!! It will catch on like Hinckley's "only one earring" opinion...I mean now commandment.

Damn, stupid, pathetic cult!!


Samuel the Utahnite

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4 Comments:

At Thursday, August 23, 2007 5:47:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Somethings wrong with you...WHat did you do wrong?

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 8:40:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE? WHY WOULD YOU EXPELL SO MUCH ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU SEEM TO LOATH? YOU MUST REALLY MISS IT. AND WHY DO YOU CARE THAT OTHERS CHOSE TO BELIEVE - AND NO, I AM NOT MORMON. BUT SHEESH! FREEDOM OF RELIGION YOU PRICK!

 
At Wednesday, December 05, 2007 9:35:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mormonism is either a total fraud or the greatest work ever done. either way what are you so worried about. Would you sell your tokens for money?

 
At Friday, March 14, 2008 4:54:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the picture of you...but gee...it looks kinda familiar. Are you ashamed to show your real face?

 

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